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As we transition to a brand-new iteration of the very popular “GPYB Study Hall,” we are proud to present a brief blog history and “About the Program” informational segments: HOW THIS ALL STARTED and why GPYB will get you well on your way to “over this breakup” and “on with your fantastic life.”

The GPYB program began as the author’s own personal journey through the devastating breakup of her first marriage.  The devastation was NOT caused by the divorce, but rather by all the traumatic events throughout her life, including placement in the foster care system, being adopted into an abusive and alcoholic home, and continuation of the abandonment and abuse throughout her adult relationships, that she had never dealt with. 

She reached “bottom” when she was laid off from her job and her marriage ended within weeks of each other.

As described in the book, a severe debilitating depression took hold and every loss she had never grieved was suddenly up in her face. Unable to stem the tide of depression and anxiety by seeking distraction in chaotic, codependent relationships, she sought the help of a very dedicated therapist to put her life on track, for the first time.  She often describes it this way,

“I’ve heard people say, ‘I want to get back to how I used to be. I never had a ‘used to be.’ I was a ‘never was.’ I was existing in foster care for the first 8 years of my life…trying to figure out who I belonged to – which was basically no one. My biological parents had been having an affair and each was married to someone else. They were each raising their children with their spouse. Then I was adopted into an alcoholic home where the other kids were my parents’ biological my parents promptly broke up – blaming the breakup on the stress of the adoption. At the age of 12 I entered my first abusive relationship  with a boy and continued on – in abusive relationships – including one – at age 17 – where my ex was arrested for attempted murder.  I married someone else and the marriage was fraught with abuse and infidelity – his – which he blamed on me.  Had I been a better wife/mother, none of that would have happened. Everything – according to everybody – was my fault.” 

At the time she had no idea what “gaslighting” was – but she had been gaslit – at every turn.  Her therapist guided her through PTSD recovery, ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholic) recovery, and codependency recovery.  In addition, she was able to seek, and have granted, a restraining order against her ex who continued to harass and abuse her despite their separation.  He tried, in numerous ways, to intimidate her so that she would not go through with the restraining order (including subpoena-ing her own mother!) 

Despite her fear, she pushed forward, testified at trial and it was granted.  At that point – the abuse – on-going for 30 years STOPPED and has never restarted. She states, “I was 30 years old before someone told me that no one had the right to put his or her hands on me…it didn’t matter WHAT I did. Until that day, I had no idea. It became my mission in life to pass that information to others stuck in horrifyingly abusive relationships thinking there is no way out.” 

She left a lucrative high tech career to pursue a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology. While working in the field as an Emergency Services Psychiatric Clinician, she discovered the damage done to others by those meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder. Another “rung” on the GPYB program ladder appeared — helping those abused by people with personality disorders. Later, it would become very beneficial when she gathered all these pieces to provide divorce coaching to clients as a licensed attorney. (Yes!  Licensed attorney!  Stay tuned!)

Learning to “work out the bad” while “working in the good,” the author pursued 12 step recovery as well as other support groups. She found a good job with a great company and became an “Investment in Excellence” facilitator. Although her therapist had done a great job in the 2 years they had worked together (they would be together a total of 5), her “program” really started to come together through the application of IIE’s affirmations, goal-setting and “self-care.”

Her therapist had started laying the foundation for positive thinking, gratitude and self-care, but IIE solidified the methodologies for working with affirmations and goals. In 1993, she experienced a string of losses and felt overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, as she had just a few short years before. 

Doing what she had done before, she threw herself into “the work” of grief.  She discovered Stephen and Ondrea Levine, John James and the Grief Recovery Institute, and – the pair that would forever change her life, her scholarship and her healing work – John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

At that point she became a grief recovery specialist through the Grief Recovery Institute, studying with John James himself, and making unresolved loss the cornerstone of what she taught to others. The fear of experiencing grief in its rawest form – as all kinds of unresolved loss rushes in to take the place of the chaos that has allowed the grief to stay quiet and unattended and festering. 

With the “foundational” aspects of the program firmly in place, she set out to share with others – mostly women – leaving – or trying to leave – abusive relationships.  The original “bones” of the program were in place – work out the bad (journaling, family of origin work, unresolved loss, low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and standards) while working in the good (affirmations, self-care, goal setting, setting up a support network while building a life). 

She addressed her “love addiction” by staying out of relationships and building a strong foundation of “hobbies, interests and friends” and devouring the works of Robin Norwood, Melody Beattie, Susan Forward, Lindsey Bancroft and others. In passing on what helped her to others, she was able to assist many who had been trapped in abusive relationships for years. 

 

 

Getting Past Your Breakup began in the mid-1990s in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as a support program to help those leaving abusive relationships.  After a hiatus from 2000-2005, the intention was to “briefly” resurrect it in New York City as a weekly class for those needing support after a traumatic breakup.

The classes were offered through the Learning Annex in Manhattan and drew anywhere from 5 to 25 students each week. After the weekly class, many students had questions or needed extra support. To facilitate that, a newsletter was established – followed by what was then a new way to deliver information – the BLOG. GPYB – then called Getting Past Your Past) – the blog – was developed solely for the Manhattan students as a way to respond to their follow-up questions. 

However, readers started to visit from all over the country and then all over the world. What was intended to be a small venture for a few students quickly turned into a large scale production which led to the publication of Getting Past Your Breakup How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo 2009) (“GPYB”). 

The development of the program and its second iteration in 2005 was NEVER done with the intention of having a book published.

GPYB began receiving accolades almost immediately, was licensed as audio and electronic editions and has been translated into multiple languages. GPYB of the  appears on numerous “Best Breakup Books of All TIme” lists and continues to influence the self-help and psychology genres.

GPYB was one of the first  programs to not only acknowledge the grief process after a breakup and to analogize it to one following the death of a loved one, but GPYB was one of the first to teach how , but to teach about how unresolved loss from other, earlier losses complicate and unduly burden the person attempting to move on from a broken relationship. 

GPYB also refused to roll back its insistence on affirmations, positive thinking and gratitude as vital parts of the program.  As the millennium drew to a close, there had been a backlash against some of the psychological and “self-help” concepts seen as outdated and “new age-y” and entwined with an outdated “90s way of thinking.” In fact, in an otherwise positive book review, one writer reviled the sections on affirmations as “New-Age-y and Oprah-esq.” 

Affirmations became a central tenet of the GPYB program in the early 1990s Investment in Excellence (an incredible program developed by the late, great Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute).  Not only did GPYB refuse to give up the ghost on affirmations, it doubled down after with the release of a “new” school of psychology – Positive Psychology – a well-funded, well researched SCIENTIFIC  approach to psychology with an emphasis on building a person’s positive feelings about themselves rather than years in therapy focusing on the previous harm done. 

Positive Psychology was developed at some of the most prestigious universities in the world and had the advantage of “proving” its theories via the evidence found in brain scans and by taking advaadvances in brain imaging and the ability to actually SEE the effect of positive thinking and affirmations on the PHYSICAL BRAIN.  Rather than being “New Age-y,” affirmations are proven to have a positive and transformative effect upon grey matter. Affirmations are NOT “New-Agey and Oprah-esq.”  They are transformational tools that result in ACTUAL POSITIVE PHYSICAL CHANGES in the adult, human brain that has been stubbornly resistant to many other forms of depression treatment. In other words, affirmations work and they are good.   GPYB’s stubborn refusal to part with them was an integral part of the program’s success and continues to this day. 

GPYB popularized the idea of “no contact” as a vehicle for healing and is one of the few self-help books that is authored by a therapist/attorney.  Many of the GPYB articles and Mean Lady Talking podcasts deal with the intersection of law and psychology for those finding themselves, unfortunately, dealing with the courts, a disordered ex and a myriad of other issues that accompany that situation. (for another extremely vital resource, please see Bill Eddy’s masterful works on these subjects). 

GPYB has been unimaginably successful without even trying to be. However, such success is NOT without its downside.  Many of our articles have been shamelessly copied and piracy throughout the industry continues unabated, depriving many hard-working authors the income they deserve for their craft.  OKAY – SO – in response GPYB has had to pull the majority of its postings.

But since we have been here for 15 years and have articles on everything to do with the GPYB program  (breakups, grief and loss, divorce, etc. etc. etc. and the many subjects and topics contained within each GPYB topic), only a handful are available at any one time

To Request a Re-post or Request a New Article, Email Us at gpyb.com@gmail.com (please note – there are TWO .coms)b

As we transition to a brand-new iteration of the very popular “GPYB Study Hall,” we are proud to present a brief blog history and “About the Program” informational segments: HOW THIS ALL STARTED and why GPYB will get you well on your way to “over this breakup” and “on with your fantastic life.”

The GPYB program began as the author’s own personal journey through the devastating breakup of her first marriage.  The devastation was NOT caused by the divorce, but rather by all the traumatic events throughout her life, including placement in the foster care system, being adopted into an abusive and alcoholic home, and continuation of the abandonment and abuse throughout her adult relationships, that she had never dealt with. 

She reached “bottom” when she was laid off from her job and her marriage ended within weeks of each other.

As described in the book, a severe debilitating depression took hold and every loss she had never grieved was suddenly up in her face. Unable to stem the tide of depression and anxiety by seeking distraction in chaotic, codependent relationships, she sought the help of a very dedicated therapist to put her life on track, for the first time.  She often describes it this way,

“I’ve heard people say, ‘I want to get back to how I used to be. I never had a ‘used to be.’ I was a ‘never was.’ I was existing in foster care for the first 8 years of my life…trying to figure out who I belonged to – which was basically no one. My biological parents had been having an affair and each was married to someone else. They were each raising their children with their spouse. Then I was adopted into an alcoholic home where the other kids were my parents’ biological my parents promptly broke up – blaming the breakup on the stress of the adoption. At the age of 12 I entered my first abusive relationship  with a boy and continued on – in abusive relationships – including one – at age 17 – where my ex was arrested for attempted murder.  I married someone else and the marriage was fraught with abuse and infidelity – his – which he blamed on me.  Had I been a better wife/mother, none of that would have happened. Everything – according to everybody – was my fault.” 

At the time she had no idea what “gaslighting” was – but she had been gaslit – at every turn.  Her therapist guided her through PTSD recovery, ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholic) recovery, and codependency recovery.  In addition, she was able to seek, and have granted, a restraining order against her ex who continued to harass and abuse her despite their separation.  He tried, in numerous ways, to intimidate her so that she would not go through with the restraining order (including subpoena-ing her own mother!) 

Despite her fear, she pushed forward, testified at trial and it was granted.  At that point – the abuse – on-going for 30 years STOPPED and has never restarted. She states, “I was 30 years old before someone told me that no one had the right to put his or her hands on me…it didn’t matter WHAT I did. Until that day, I had no idea. It became my mission in life to pass that information to others stuck in horrifyingly abusive relationships thinking there is no way out.” 

She left a lucrative high tech career to pursue a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology. While working in the field as an Emergency Services Psychiatric Clinician, she discovered the damage done to others by those meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder. Another “rung” on the GPYB program ladder appeared — helping those abused by people with personality disorders. Later, it would become very beneficial when she gathered all these pieces to provide divorce coaching to clients as a licensed attorney. (Yes!  Licensed attorney!  Stay tuned!)

Learning to “work out the bad” while “working in the good,” the author pursued 12 step recovery as well as other support groups. She found a good job with a great company and became an “Investment in Excellence” facilitator. Although her therapist had done a great job in the 2 years they had worked together (they would be together a total of 5), her “program” really started to come together through the application of IIE’s affirmations, goal-setting and “self-care.”

Her therapist had started laying the foundation for positive thinking, gratitude and self-care, but IIE solidified the methodologies for working with affirmations and goals. In 1993, she experienced a string of losses and felt overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, as she had just a few short years before. 

Doing what she had done before, she threw herself into “the work” of grief.  She discovered Stephen and Ondrea Levine, John James and the Grief Recovery Institute, and – the pair that would forever change her life, her scholarship and her healing work – John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

At that point she became a grief recovery specialist through the Grief Recovery Institute, studying with John James himself, and making unresolved loss the cornerstone of what she taught to others. The fear of experiencing grief in its rawest form – as all kinds of unresolved loss rushes in to take the place of the chaos that has allowed the grief to stay quiet and unattended and festering. 

With the “foundational” aspects of the program firmly in place, she set out to share with others – mostly women – leaving – or trying to leave – abusive relationships.  The original “bones” of the program were in place – work out the bad (journaling, family of origin work, unresolved loss, low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and standards) while working in the good (affirmations, self-care, goal setting, setting up a support network while building a life). 

She addressed her “love addiction” by staying out of relationships and building a strong foundation of “hobbies, interests and friends” and devouring the works of Robin Norwood, Melody Beattie, Susan Forward, Lindsey Bancroft and others. In passing on what helped her to others, she was able to assist many who had been trapped in abusive relationships for years. 

 

 

Getting Past Your Breakup began in the mid-1990s in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as a support program to help those leaving abusive relationships.  After a hiatus from 2000-2005, the intention was to “briefly” resurrect it in New York City as a weekly class for those needing support after a traumatic breakup.

The classes were offered through the Learning Annex in Manhattan and drew anywhere from 5 to 25 students each week. After the weekly class, many students had questions or needed extra support. To facilitate that, a newsletter was established – followed by what was then a new way to deliver information – the BLOG. GPYB – then called Getting Past Your Past) – the blog – was developed solely for the Manhattan students as a way to respond to their follow-up questions. 

However, readers started to visit from all over the country and then all over the world. What was intended to be a small venture for a few students quickly turned into a large scale production which led to the publication of Getting Past Your Breakup How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo 2009) (“GPYB”). 

The development of the program and its second iteration in 2005 was NEVER done with the intention of having a book published.

GPYB began receiving accolades almost immediately, was licensed as audio and electronic editions and has been translated into multiple languages. GPYB of the  appears on numerous “Best Breakup Books of All TIme” lists and continues to influence the self-help and psychology genres.

GPYB was one of the first  programs to not only acknowledge the grief process after a breakup and to analogize it to one following the death of a loved one, but GPYB was one of the first to teach how , but to teach about how unresolved loss from other, earlier losses complicate and unduly burden the person attempting to move on from a broken relationship. 

GPYB also refused to roll back its insistence on affirmations, positive thinking and gratitude as vital parts of the program.  As the millennium drew to a close, there had been a backlash against some of the psychological and “self-help” concepts seen as outdated and “new age-y” and entwined with an outdated “90s way of thinking.” In fact, in an otherwise positive book review, one writer reviled the sections on affirmations as “New-Age-y and Oprah-esq.” 

Affirmations became a central tenet of the GPYB program in the early 1990s Investment in Excellence (an incredible program developed by the late, great Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute).  Not only did GPYB refuse to give up the ghost on affirmations, it doubled down after with the release of a “new” school of psychology – Positive Psychology – a well-funded, well researched SCIENTIFIC  approach to psychology with an emphasis on building a person’s positive feelings about themselves rather than years in therapy focusing on the previous harm done. 

Positive Psychology was developed at some of the most prestigious universities in the world and had the advantage of “proving” its theories via the evidence found in brain scans and by taking advaadvances in brain imaging and the ability to actually SEE the effect of positive thinking and affirmations on the PHYSICAL BRAIN.  Rather than being “New Age-y,” affirmations are proven to have a positive and transformative effect upon grey matter. Affirmations are NOT “New-Agey and Oprah-esq.”  They are transformational tools that result in ACTUAL POSITIVE PHYSICAL CHANGES in the adult, human brain that has been stubbornly resistant to many other forms of depression treatment. In other words, affirmations work and they are good.   GPYB’s stubborn refusal to part with them was an integral part of the program’s success and continues to this day. 

GPYB popularized the idea of “no contact” as a vehicle for healing and is one of the few self-help books that is authored by a therapist/attorney.  Many of the GPYB articles and Mean Lady Talking podcasts deal with the intersection of law and psychology for those finding themselves, unfortunately, dealing with the courts, a disordered ex and a myriad of other issues that accompany that situation. (for another extremely vital resource, please see Bill Eddy’s masterful works on these subjects). 

GPYB has been unimaginably successful without even trying to be. However, such success is NOT without its downside.  Many of our articles have been shamelessly copied and piracy throughout the industry continues unabated, depriving many hard-working authors the income they deserve for their craft.  OKAY – SO – in response GPYB has had to pull the majority of its postings.

But since we have been here for 15 years and have articles on everything to do with the GPYB program  (breakups, grief and loss, divorce, etc. etc. etc. and the many subjects and topics contained within each GPYB topic), only a handful are available at any one time

To Request a Re-post or Request a New Article, Email Us at gpyb.com@gmail.com (please note – there are TWO .coms)b

 

As stated before, The GPYB program began as the author’s own personal journey through the devastating breakup of her first marriage.  She reached “bottom” when she was laid off from her job and her marriage ended within weeks of each other.

As described in the GPYB book, a severe debilitating depression took hold and every loss she had never grieved was suddenly up in her face. At first, her plan was to put her marriage back together, and go on living as before.

Unable to stem the tide of depression and anxiety by seeking distraction in chaotic, codependent, abusive relationships, she sought the help of a very dedicated therapist to put her life on track, for the first time. 

They devised a plan of attack to address the depression and anxiety.  That After their very first meeting, the therapist had instructed her to start journaling – to write down her thoughts and feelings. This was the first step in “working out the bad.”  As they had talked about during the session, there had to be plans for “self-care” for 

Learning to “work out the bad” while “working in the good,” the author pursued 12 step recovery as well as other support groups. She found a good job with a great company and, as part of their tr became an “Investment in Excellence” facilitator. Although her therapist had done a great job in the 2 years they had worked together (they would be together a total of 5), her “program” really started to come together through the application of IIE’s affirmations, goal-setting and “self-care.”

Her therapist had started laying the foundation for positive thinking, gratitude and self-care, but IIE solidified the methodologies for working with affirmations and goals. In 1993, she experienced a string of losses and felt overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, as she had just a few short years before. 

Doing what she had done before, she threw herself into “the work” of grief.  She discovered Stephen and Ondrea Levine, John James and the Grief Recovery Institute, and – the pair that would forever change her life, her scholarship and her healing work – John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

At that point she became a grief recovery specialist through the Grief Recovery Institute, studying with John James himself, and making unresolved loss the cornerstone of what she taught to others. The fear of experiencing grief in its rawest form – as all kinds of unresolved loss rushes in to take the place of the chaos that has allowed the grief to stay quiet and unattended and festering. 

With the “foundational” aspects of the program firmly in place, she set out to share with others – mostly women – leaving – or trying to leave – abusive relationships.  The original “bones” of the program were in place – work out the bad (journaling, family of origin work, unresolved loss, low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and standards) while working in the good (affirmations, self-care, goal setting, setting up a support network while building a life). 

She addressed her “love addiction” by staying out of relationships and building a strong foundation of “hobbies, interests and friends” and devouring the works of Robin Norwood, Melody Beattie, Susan Forward, Lindsey Bancroft and others. In passing on what helped her to others, she was able to assist many who had been trapped in abusive relationships for years. 

 

 

Getting Past Your Breakup began in the mid-1990s in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as a support program to help those leaving abusive relationships.  After a hiatus from 2000-2005, the intention was to “briefly” resurrect it in New York City as a weekly class for those needing support after a traumatic breakup.

The classes were offered through the Learning Annex in Manhattan and drew anywhere from 5 to 25 students each week. After the weekly class, many students had questions or needed extra support. To facilitate that, a newsletter was established – followed by what was then a new way to deliver information – the BLOG. GPYB – then called Getting Past Your Past) – the blog – was developed solely for the Manhattan students as a way to respond to their follow-up questions. 

However, readers started to visit from all over the country and then all over the world. What was intended to be a small venture for a few students quickly turned into a large scale production which led to the publication of Getting Past Your Breakup How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo 2009) (“GPYB”). 

The development of the program and its second iteration in 2005 was NEVER done with the intention of having a book published.

GPYB began receiving accolades almost immediately, was licensed as audio and electronic editions and has been translated into multiple languages. GPYB of the  appears on numerous “Best Breakup Books of All TIme” lists and continues to influence the self-help and psychology genres.

GPYB was one of the first  programs to not only acknowledge the grief process after a breakup and to analogize it to one following the death of a loved one, but GPYB was one of the first to teach how , but to teach about how unresolved loss from other, earlier losses complicate and unduly burden the person attempting to move on from a broken relationship. 

GPYB also refused to roll back its insistence on affirmations, positive thinking and gratitude as vital parts of the program.  As the millennium drew to a close, there had been a backlash against some of the psychological and “self-help” concepts seen as outdated and “new age-y” and entwined with an outdated “90s way of thinking.” In fact, in an otherwise positive book review, one writer reviled the sections on affirmations as “New-Age-y and Oprah-esq.” 

Affirmations became a central tenet of the GPYB program in the early 1990s Investment in Excellence (an incredible program developed by the late, great Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute).  Not only did GPYB refuse to give up the ghost on affirmations, it doubled down after with the release of a “new” school of psychology – Positive Psychology – a well-funded, well researched SCIENTIFIC  approach to psychology with an emphasis on building a person’s positive feelings about themselves rather than years in therapy focusing on the previous harm done. 

Positive Psychology was developed at some of the most prestigious universities in the world and had the advantage of “proving” its theories via the evidence found in brain scans and by taking advaadvances in brain imaging and the ability to actually SEE the effect of positive thinking and affirmations on the PHYSICAL BRAIN.  Rather than being “New Age-y,” affirmations are proven to have a positive and transformative effect upon grey matter. Affirmations are NOT “New-Agey and Oprah-esq.”  They are transformational tools that result in ACTUAL POSITIVE PHYSICAL CHANGES in the adult, human brain that has been stubbornly resistant to many other forms of depression treatment. In other words, affirmations work and they are good.   GPYB’s stubborn refusal to part with them was an integral part of the program’s success and continues to this day. 

GPYB popularized the idea of “no contact” as a vehicle for healing and is one of the few self-help books that is authored by a therapist/attorney.  Many of the GPYB articles and Mean Lady Talking podcasts deal with the intersection of law and psychology for those finding themselves, unfortunately, dealing with the courts, a disordered ex and a myriad of other issues that accompany that situation. (for another extremely vital resource, please see Bill Eddy’s masterful works on these subjects). 

GPYB has been unimaginably successful without even trying to be. However, such success is NOT without its downside.  Many of our articles have been shamelessly copied and piracy throughout the industry continues unabated, depriving many hard-working authors the income they deserve for their craft.  OKAY – SO – in response GPYB has had to pull the majority of its postings.

But since we have been here for 15 years and have articles on everything to do with the GPYB program  (breakups, grief and loss, divorce, etc. etc. etc. and the many subjects and topics contained within each GPYB topic), only a handful are available at any one time

To Request a Re-post or Request a New Article, Email Us at gpyb.com@gmail.com (please note – there are TWO .coms)b

As we transition to a brand-new iteration of the very popular “GPYB Study Hall,” we are proud to present a brief blog history and “About the Program” informational segments: HOW THIS ALL STARTED and why GPYB will get you well on your way to “over this breakup” and “on with your fantastic life.”

The GPYB program began as the author’s own personal journey through the devastating breakup of her first marriage.  The devastation was NOT caused by the divorce, but rather by all the traumatic events throughout her life, including placement in the foster care system, being adopted into an abusive and alcoholic home, and continuation of the abandonment and abuse throughout her adult relationships, that she had never dealt with. 

She reached “bottom” when she was laid off from her job and her marriage ended within weeks of each other.

As described in the book, a severe debilitating depression took hold and every loss she had never grieved was suddenly up in her face. Unable to stem the tide of depression and anxiety by seeking distraction in chaotic, codependent relationships, she sought the help of a very dedicated therapist to put her life on track, for the first time.  She often describes it this way,

“I’ve heard people say, ‘I want to get back to how I used to be. I never had a ‘used to be.’ I was a ‘never was.’ I was existing in foster care for the first 8 years of my life…trying to figure out who I belonged to – which was basically no one. My biological parents had been having an affair and each was married to someone else. They were each raising their children with their spouse. Then I was adopted into an alcoholic home where the other kids were my parents’ biological my parents promptly broke up – blaming the breakup on the stress of the adoption. At the age of 12 I entered my first abusive relationship  with a boy and continued on – in abusive relationships – including one – at age 17 – where my ex was arrested for attempted murder.  I married someone else and the marriage was fraught with abuse and infidelity – his – which he blamed on me.  Had I been a better wife/mother, none of that would have happened. Everything – according to everybody – was my fault.” 

At the time she had no idea what “gaslighting” was – but she had been gaslit – at every turn.  Her therapist guided her through PTSD recovery, ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholic) recovery, and codependency recovery.  In addition, she was able to seek, and have granted, a restraining order against her ex who continued to harass and abuse her despite their separation.  He tried, in numerous ways, to intimidate her so that she would not go through with the restraining order (including subpoena-ing her own mother!) 

Despite her fear, she pushed forward, testified at trial and it was granted.  At that point – the abuse – on-going for 30 years STOPPED and has never restarted. She states, “I was 30 years old before someone told me that no one had the right to put his or her hands on me…it didn’t matter WHAT I did. Until that day, I had no idea. It became my mission in life to pass that information to others stuck in horrifyingly abusive relationships thinking there is no way out.” 

She left a lucrative high tech career to pursue a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology. While working in the field as an Emergency Services Psychiatric Clinician, she discovered the damage done to others by those meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder. Another “rung” on the GPYB program ladder appeared — helping those abused by people with personality disorders. Later, it would become very beneficial when she gathered all these pieces to provide divorce coaching to clients as a licensed attorney. (Yes!  Licensed attorney!  Stay tuned!)

Learning to “work out the bad” while “working in the good,” the author pursued 12 step recovery as well as other support groups. She found a good job with a great company and became an “Investment in Excellence” facilitator. Although her therapist had done a great job in the 2 years they had worked together (they would be together a total of 5), her “program” really started to come together through the application of IIE’s affirmations, goal-setting and “self-care.”

Her therapist had started laying the foundation for positive thinking, gratitude and self-care, but IIE solidified the methodologies for working with affirmations and goals. In 1993, she experienced a string of losses and felt overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, as she had just a few short years before. 

Doing what she had done before, she threw herself into “the work” of grief.  She discovered Stephen and Ondrea Levine, John James and the Grief Recovery Institute, and – the pair that would forever change her life, her scholarship and her healing work – John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

At that point she became a grief recovery specialist through the Grief Recovery Institute, studying with John James himself, and making unresolved loss the cornerstone of what she taught to others. The fear of experiencing grief in its rawest form – as all kinds of unresolved loss rushes in to take the place of the chaos that has allowed the grief to stay quiet and unattended and festering. 

With the “foundational” aspects of the program firmly in place, she set out to share with others – mostly women – leaving – or trying to leave – abusive relationships.  The original “bones” of the program were in place – work out the bad (journaling, family of origin work, unresolved loss, low self-esteem, lack of boundaries and standards) while working in the good (affirmations, self-care, goal setting, setting up a support network while building a life). 

She addressed her “love addiction” by staying out of relationships and building a strong foundation of “hobbies, interests and friends” and devouring the works of Robin Norwood, Melody Beattie, Susan Forward, Lindsey Bancroft and others. In passing on what helped her to others, she was able to assist many who had been trapped in abusive relationships for years. 

 

 

Getting Past Your Breakup began in the mid-1990s in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as a support program to help those leaving abusive relationships.  After a hiatus from 2000-2005, the intention was to “briefly” resurrect it in New York City as a weekly class for those needing support after a traumatic breakup.

The classes were offered through the Learning Annex in Manhattan and drew anywhere from 5 to 25 students each week. After the weekly class, many students had questions or needed extra support. To facilitate that, a newsletter was established – followed by what was then a new way to deliver information – the BLOG. GPYB – then called Getting Past Your Past) – the blog – was developed solely for the Manhattan students as a way to respond to their follow-up questions. 

However, readers started to visit from all over the country and then all over the world. What was intended to be a small venture for a few students quickly turned into a large scale production which led to the publication of Getting Past Your Breakup How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo 2009) (“GPYB”). 

The development of the program and its second iteration in 2005 was NEVER done with the intention of having a book published.

GPYB began receiving accolades almost immediately, was licensed as audio and electronic editions and has been translated into multiple languages. GPYB of the  appears on numerous “Best Breakup Books of All TIme” lists and continues to influence the self-help and psychology genres.

GPYB was one of the first  programs to not only acknowledge the grief process after a breakup and to analogize it to one following the death of a loved one, but GPYB was one of the first to teach how , but to teach about how unresolved loss from other, earlier losses complicate and unduly burden the person attempting to move on from a broken relationship. 

GPYB also refused to roll back its insistence on affirmations, positive thinking and gratitude as vital parts of the program.  As the millennium drew to a close, there had been a backlash against some of the psychological and “self-help” concepts seen as outdated and “new age-y” and entwined with an outdated “90s way of thinking.” In fact, in an otherwise positive book review, one writer reviled the sections on affirmations as “New-Age-y and Oprah-esq.” 

Affirmations became a central tenet of the GPYB program in the early 1990s Investment in Excellence (an incredible program developed by the late, great Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute).  Not only did GPYB refuse to give up the ghost on affirmations, it doubled down after with the release of a “new” school of psychology – Positive Psychology – a well-funded, well researched SCIENTIFIC  approach to psychology with an emphasis on building a person’s positive feelings about themselves rather than years in therapy focusing on the previous harm done. 

Positive Psychology was developed at some of the most prestigious universities in the world and had the advantage of “proving” its theories via the evidence found in brain scans and by taking advaadvances in brain imaging and the ability to actually SEE the effect of positive thinking and affirmations on the PHYSICAL BRAIN.  Rather than being “New Age-y,” affirmations are proven to have a positive and transformative effect upon grey matter. Affirmations are NOT “New-Agey and Oprah-esq.”  They are transformational tools that result in ACTUAL POSITIVE PHYSICAL CHANGES in the adult, human brain that has been stubbornly resistant to many other forms of depression treatment. In other words, affirmations work and they are good.   GPYB’s stubborn refusal to part with them was an integral part of the program’s success and continues to this day. 

GPYB popularized the idea of “no contact” as a vehicle for healing and is one of the few self-help books that is authored by a therapist/attorney.  Many of the GPYB articles and Mean Lady Talking podcasts deal with the intersection of law and psychology for those finding themselves, unfortunately, dealing with the courts, a disordered ex and a myriad of other issues that accompany that situation. (for another extremely vital resource, please see Bill Eddy’s masterful works on these subjects). 

GPYB has been unimaginably successful without even trying to be. However, such success is NOT without its downside.  Many of our articles have been shamelessly copied and piracy throughout the industry continues unabated, depriving many hard-working authors the income they deserve for their craft.  OKAY – SO – in response GPYB has had to pull the majority of its postings.

But since we have been here for 15 years and have articles on everything to do with the GPYB program  (breakups, grief and loss, divorce, etc. etc. etc. and the many subjects and topics contained within each GPYB topic), only a handful are available at any one time

To Request a Re-post or Request a New Article, Email Us at gpyb.com@gmail.com (please note – there are TWO .coms)b

A brief blog history and “About the Program”: Getting Past Your Breakup began in the mid-1990s in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as a support program to help those leaving abusive relationships.  After a hiatus from 2000-2005, the intention was to “briefly” resurrect it in New York City as a weekly class for those needing support after a traumatic breakup.

The classes were offered through the Learning Annex in Manhattan and drew anywhere from 5 to 25 students each week. After the weekly class, many students had questions or needed extra support. To facilitate that, a newsletter was established – followed by what was then a new way to deliver information – the blog.   GPYB – then called Getting Past Your Past) – the blog – was developed solely for the Manhattan students as a way to respond to their follow-up questions. 

However, readers started to visit from all over the country and then all over the world. What was intended to be a small venture for a few students quickly turned into a large scale production which led to the publication of Getting Past Your Breakup How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo 2009) (“GPYB”). 

The development of the program and its second iteration in 2005 was NEVER done with the intention of having a book published.

GPYB began receiving accolades almost immediately, was licensed as audio and electronic editions and has been translated into multiple languages. GPYB of the  appears on numerous “Best Breakup Books of All TIme” lists and continues to influence the self-help and psychology genres.

GPYB was one of the first  programs to not only acknowledge the grief process after a breakup and to analogize it to one following the death of a loved one, but GPYB was one of the first to teach how , but to teach about how unresolved loss from other, earlier losses complicate and unduly burden the person attempting to move on from a broken relationship. 

GPYB also refused to roll back its insistence on affirmations as a vital part of the program.  As the century drew to a close, there was a backlash against some of the psychological and “self-help” concepts seen as outdated and “new age-y” and entwined with an outdated “90s way of thinking.”  GPYB began teaching affirmations and noting their profound effect on followers of the program since the early 90s when it was introduced to them via Investment in Excellence (an incredible program developed by the late, great Lou Tice of the Pacific Institute).  Not only did GPYB refuse to “give up the ghost” on affirmations, but with the release of a “new” school of psychology – Positive Psychology – a well-funded, well researched SCIENTIFIC  approach to psychology with an emphasis on building a person’s positive feelings about themselves rather than years in therapy focusing on the previous harm done.  Positive Psychology was developed at some of the most prestigious universities in the world and had the advantage of “proving” its theories via the evidence found in brain scans and advances in brain imaging and the ability to actually SEE the effect of positive thinking and affirmations on the PHYSICAL BRAIN.  Rather than being “New Age-y,” 

popularized the idea of “no contact” as a vehicle for healing and is one of the few self-help books that is authored by a therapist/attorney.  Many of the GPYB articles and Mean Lady Talking podcasts deal with the intersection of law and psychology for those finding themselves, unfortunately, dealing with the courts, a disordered ex and a myriad of other issues that accompany that situation. (for another extremely vital resource, please see Bill Eddy’s masterful works on these subjects). 

GPYB has been unimaginably successful without even trying to be. However, such success is NOT without its downside.  Many of our articles have been shamelessly copied and piracy throughout the industry continues unabated, depriving many hard-working authors the income they deserve for their craft.  OKAY – SO – in response GPYB has had to pull the majority of its postings.

But since we have been here for 15 years and have articles on everything to do with the GPYB program  (breakups, grief and loss, divorce, etc. etc. etc. and the many subjects and topics contained within each GPYB topic), only a handful are available at any one time

To Request a Re-post or Request a New Article, Email Us at gpyb.com@gmail.com (please note – there are TWO .coms)b

Thank you!!!!

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