This is a SHORTENED, Handy Dandy Check List from the Workbook


GPYB is a program that was developed in the 1990s and continues to evolve as new studies and research come out in neuroscience and other disciplines that inform this incredibly effective program, which is the MOST SUCCESSFUL BREAKUP PROGRAM IN THE WORLD, but it is successful ONLY if you do it as it's supposed to be done: 

These are the Tools:   

1. The GPYB book: Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened to You  (Available wherever books are sold).

2. The GBOT book: Getting Back Out There: Successful Dating and Finding Real Love After The Big Breakup (Available wherever books are sold).

3. The Workbook:  Getting Past Your Past:  The Definitive Workbook to Health, Healing and Happiness  Available for instant download HERE

4. Advanced Affirmations: Power! Affirmations Booklet  Available for instant download HERE

5. The GPYB Blog Posts: https://gettingpastyourbreakup.com/all-posts

6. The GPYP YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/gettingpastyourpast

7. The MLT podcast https://www.meanladytalking.com (listen on whatever podcast app you use or on YouTube - please comment on YouTube!)

8. The FB groups and pages 


Phase One:

  • If you do not yet have the books, you can start the program with the workbook which is available for INSTANT DOWNLOAD (see link above in red). 

  • The workbook will help guide you through the program.  

    Reading through the workbook will familiarize you with the program concepts and terminology. The workbook goes more in-depth about OBSERVATION which is a very important part of this program. Don't skip over observation.  So right away, start reading about observation. Also read the Journaling chapter in the book and workbook and start journaling.  

  • Start reading the first book, Getting Past Your Breakup. You do not have to start at page 1 and go forward. BUT, you should read about the Roadmap to Healing so you understand how the different parts of the program work together. It's about BALANCE - working the bad stuff out (grief, contact, etc.) and working the GOOD stuff in (self-care, affirmations, building a new life).  Become familiar with the free resources on Youtube and the podcast.  This is a TON of free material that helps to reinforce the principles of the program.  Please subscribe to the Youtube channel and/or the podcast.

  • If contact is an issue, go to the No Contact chapter in the book and this workbook. Watch the NC videos and listen to the NC Mean Lady Talking podcasts on the GPYP YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/gettingpastyourpast You can also listen to the Mean Lady Talking podcast on major podcast providers. Go to the MLT Home page https://www.meanladytalking.com and scroll down to see a list of podcast providers.  You can also listen to the podcast on the GPYB Youtube channel.  Go to the link above and subscribe. You can also read No Contact articles on the GPYB website.

  • Even though you may be JUST off a breakup and a long way from dating, get Getting Back Out There – the 2 books work together and you need to read GBOT material LONG before you are ready to date. If you are serious about this program, you MUST get both books FROM THE BEGINNING.

  • Read these most important chapters in the book and workbook and do the exercises EVERY SINGLE DAY: Observation, Journaling, Affirmations (including Gratitude Lists and Self-Care.)  Start doing affirmations ASAP.  Make sure you are journaling every day. Make sure you are starting Gratitude Lists and Self-Care

  • If you have children, read Chapter 5 in Getting Past Your Breakup and Chapter 7 in Getting Back Out There.

  • Review the blog posts on Getting Past Your Breakup. If you have questions, there have been over 2500 articles written since 2004.  Because of copyright infringers, only a handful is available at any one time. If there is a TOPIC you want a post on, please email gpyb.com@gmail.com with the subject line: Requested Post or susan@gettingpastyourbreakup.com

  • Review the GPYP YouTube videos and the Mean Lady Talking podcasts at https://www.meanladytalking.com. These materials will help you become comfortable with working through the books and workbook.

  • Review the Boundaries material in both books and this workbook.

Phase Two:

  • Re-read Chapter One in GPYB: The Roadmap to Healing about balancing grief and self-care. Design a self-care regiment.

  • Read the Grief Chapter in GPYB a few times. Go to the Grief chapter in this workbook and start working through the exercises.  Pay attention to the description of the "acceptance and integration" phase of grief.  When you've done your grief work, and arrive there, you will be able to think of the good times and the happy memories without a lot of pain.  That is how you know you've truly worked through the grief. 

  • Review the PODCAST episodes and the YOUTUBE videos on grief and loss.

Phase Three

  • When you have a solid foundation of NC, affirmations, journaling and self-care and are not falling apart in grief, or being driven crazy with obsession, you can start the Relationship Inventory. This is usually after 8-12 weeks, but it can take much longer. It’s okay if you’re not ready at 8 weeks or even at 12 weeks. For some people, it can take months or even a full year before you’re ready to do the Relationship Inventory. Do it only when you are ready.

  • Now it’s time to really start applying GBOT. Again – this is NOT a book for when you’re READY to date. It’s a book to GET you ready for a healthy relationship LONG before you are ready to date. The two books are guidebooks and should be used as such. They should be opened every day while you’re going through this process.

  • As you work through your Relationship Inventory in GPYB, open GBOT to Chapter 4, The Standards and Compatibility Inventory. As some issues, problems, red flags, etc., come up in Relationship Inventory START THIS. Out of all the things you’re going to work on between the two books and the workbook, this is one of the MOST important. It is IMPORTANT to do the 2 things together. 

  • As you work through your Relationship Inventory, pull out the worksheets in this workbook for the Standards and Compatibility Inventory and the You/Me list.  These things work together.  Use the "Getting Back Out There" exercises in the workbook (the S&C and the You/Me List) as you work on your relationship inventory.  If you don't do this, you could forget a lot of things that need to be on one or the other.  This work is hard sometimes - especially when you're dating - to "STAY FAITHFUL" to the work.  Doing these pieces of work together HELPS greatly when you're out there again. 

  • Read Chapters 8, 9, 10 and Epilogue in GBOT. These chapters are about what kind of relationship and what kind of partner you want. If you don’t figure this out LONG before you are ready to date, you will fail again. Start to formulate what kind of partner you want NOW. Journal about what your “3 a.m. person” looks like.

  • Write Commitment Statements as instructed in the Affirmation chapter of this workbook and/or the Affirmation Booklet. Commit to leaving any potential mate the minute they exhibit “Not Acceptable” behavior or are missing a “Must Have.” Use the Power! Affirmations booklet to advance your affirmation practice.

  • While reading these chapters, journal about Accept It, Change It or Leave, Communication Issues and Habits and Lifestyles. Think about what you do and do not want in a partner. Continue the commitment statements.

  • Review Chapters 8 and 9 in GBOT, “The Early Relationship” and the “Couples Inventory” and journal about what is healthy and what is not. Think about your previous relationships and what you do and do not want.

  • Continue to review the GBOT chapters every week, at least once a week. Keep asking yourself what kind of partner you want and need. Keep reviewing healthy and unhealthy communication patterns.

  • Finish your Relationship Inventory and Your Letter and Letting Go Ritual. Recycling in grief is NORMAL. 

  • After you start feeling good, you will kick back into the emotional soup again at some point.  It's okay. It's temporary.  Review THIS POST on recycling. 

Phase Four

  • Open the Life Inventory/Mother Inventory/Father Inventory in GPYB....with the idea of what you want - it's time to think about what you've had as far as relationships go and the influence of early caregivers (or absence caregivers).

  • When you’ve done the Life and Parent Inventories, it’s time to return to GBOT and do the Sexual Inventory if you need to.

  • If you are ready to work on Overdeveloped Defense Mechanisms, go to the Overdeveloped Defense Mechanism chapter in this workbook.

  • Now is the time to read the Real Love Chapter in GPYB and the first 3 chapters of GBOT. Good luck!