The GPYB Guide to Self-Confidence

Apr 21, 2022 | building a life, confidence, featured

by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Author, Attorney, Podcaster, Media Commentator, Motivational Speaker, and Creator of the World's Most Successful Breakup Program. 

  • Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You (Hachette Book Group 2009)
  • Getting Back Out There: Secrets to Successful Dating and Finding Real Love After the Big Breakup (Hachette Book Group 2015)
  • Getting Past Your Past Workbook: The Definitive Workbook to Emotional Healing, Health and Happiness (La Bella Vita Publishing 2012)
  • GPYP Power! Affirmations (La Bella Vita Publishing 2019) 


Back in the days of GPYP seminars, we worked on breaking down goals and the action steps to get there into small, manageable bits. We keep things structured and orderly so as not to get lost in what can seem like the overwhelming chore of life change. The following is broken down more in the workbook, but this is a reminder of how to use the books and the workbook. How to use all your tools together. They don’t work well if you don’t figure out how to not only use your tools but to use them.

The workbook tries to break it down…the goals, the affirmations and the moving parts. I was able to take the work in the books and lay them out in the workbook because I had more control over the workbook. In bootcamps and seminars we work at this.

However, someone always asks for a “big picture” walk through of how we work on thinking, behaving, and feeling in one area. This is a very abbreviated big picture “walk through” for becoming more confident in everything you do.

Remember the key words: Observe (journal), Prepare (visualize, affirm, act “as if” and work through the past), Cultivate (constantly define the immediate next step while keeping the bigger goal in mind). 

For confidence building, go to Chapter 16 in the GPYB workbook and follow the below steps to work on self confidence.

1. Keep a journal. Observe what you think, what you feel and what you say about yourself to yourself. This is especially important when you feel anxious and/or uncomfortable.

Don’t comment or analyze. Just observe and record for a week or two.

2. After a week or two, go back and read it. What are you saying to you about you? What messages are you giving yourself? What messages are other people giving you?

What kinds of behaviors are you engaging in that you don’t like? What feelings from the past come up when you’re under stress? What situations make you wish you were more confident? What are you feeling in those situations? What do you want to change?

3. Start to visualize the next step…not the “self-confident, I rule the world” but the immediate next step…the step from where you are now..what would that look like? What do you want? What do you want the world to know about you?

4. Visualize a person who is more confident than you are now. Remember what we talk about in GPYP seminars about visualizations. Use your GPYP Guide to Visualizations from the workbook and the Power! Affirmations booklet. Ask what a confident person LOOKS like to you. Ask what YOU look like as a confident person. What do you see yourself doing when you are more confident? What does it look like? Think about it. Write down what it looks like. See it in your mind.

5. Then write out affirmations. I am [whatever the person looks like in your visualization].

6. Write 10 affirmations. Follow the GPYB book and the Power! Affirmations booklet for writing affirmations. 

7. Say them several times a day. Make sure you spend some time ACH DAY saying them and visualizing the end result. Keep visualizing yourself at the next level of self-confidence.

8. Start to DO things that a self-confident person does. What is that? A movie alone? A day at the beach alone? A shopping trip alone? A meal alone? Asking someone to do something? Arguing with customer service (or saying the magic words, “I want to speak to a supervisor.” in a polite/non-Karen way)?

What is it that will show TO YOU that you are gaining confidence? Do something that TO YOU says “I AM CONFIDENT”

You may be afraid but DO IT ANYWAY.  Many people are jittery but try not to let it show.  It’s OKAY to feel nervous, but keep telling yourself that you know what to do and how to do it.  When doubt creeps in, recognize it, and banish it “Be gone self-doubt! Welcome confidence!”  It might seem cheesy to say, but think of some way to assuage yourself when the doubt seems to come along.  Recognize your successes, especially if you’ve had a difficult childhood or a rough patch in adulthood.  It is VERY important to recognize all the strides you’ve made despite the obstacles you’ve faced.  Many other people would not be successful as  you have been.  Give yourself the credit you deserve. 

If you can’t do something big, start small. Do this at least once a week and try to go for bigger every week. Again, try things that are a little scary but not so scary you’re frozen with fear.

9. Think about where this lack of self confidence comes from in your past. Use your journal. Talk about it. Write about it. Write letters to people who hurt you or put you down or made you feel worthless or question your ability. This includes the “old” you who lacked confidence or felt uneasy or uncomfortable in certain situations.

Get mad, get sad, get anything you need to feel but remember the GPYP rule: always wrap up your “closure” communications on a positive note.

WRAP IT UP ON A POSITIVE NOTE when you’re ready.

Keep it positive. It’s about closure. It’s about banishing the messages forever. (“What you made me feel about me is not who I am. You were wrong about me and I am changing every day. I let you go with love.”)  Even if the “old” you is the person you are fighting against, acknowledge that is not you any longer. 

10. At the end of 30 days revisit your affirmations and bring them to the NEXT step of visualization. What does the NEXT step of self-confidence look like?

Visualize it, rewrite your affirmations, make them stronger. Keep journaling, visualizing, affirming and doing the work of getting to the bottom of it.

Lather, rinse, repeat.


Order the workbook and/or Power! Affirmations booklet HERE


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