“It is a spiritual principal that we will continue to encounter others who will embody the opportunity for us to learn our most pressing lesson. When we learn to overcome the problem in ourselves, our ‘teachers’ fade away.” – Robin Norwood
It is uncanny that we can meet and be attracted to the exact person who is going to make us miserable exactly the same way our last partner did. There are so many conscious and unconscious things at play but water does seek its own level.
I met my best friend the first day of law school. I shared a little about myself and she pulled up a seat next to me in the very next class. She said, “I like you. You’re funny.” I was thinking WHO in the world is this person and why do I care if she thinks I’m funny?It turns out we have such a similar life history, such similar likes and dislikes and she is the only person in my life, other than me, that I have ever met who has birth and adoptive parents and the same screwy issues with both sets. I didn’t have a decent relationship with mine and we both joke about how horrible we’ve been to make two mothers hate us. She’s the only person that gets that. I’m the only one that gets her.
We both have the strange mix of birth and adoptive relatives and we each somehow, some way found our way out of the lives of dysfunction, abuse, abandonment and chaos and met in the hallowed halls of UC Berkeley.
We were both “white trash” kids who really didn’t belong in Berkeley, but we weren’t kids anymore (we both had a family) and we both managed to rise up out of the ashes and get into one of the best law schools in the country.
On that first day her radar was working much better than mine–she could see we were a fit from day one. It took me a while to see it and to appreciate our very special relationship.
That’s a positive story but for years I would attract people who represented the business I had not finished. My first husband was my mother. A string of men after we divorced were my father. In each relationship I tried to win a battle I had not won previously and wasn’t going to win this time. When I learned to fix myself and fix the holes in my soul, I stopped attracting and being attracted to people who would lock horns with me in OLD FAMILIAR WAYS. (familiar as in FAMILY).
I had to turn my attention to MYSELF…to work out the issues with MOM AND DAD (all four of them) without trying to find it in “the next relationship.”
So long as I was behaving my past, and behaving my feelings, I was never going to get anywhere.
Once I did, the teachers faded away. As I became WHOLE, I was able to find WHOLE people without agendas and life became GOOD. I now have the love and support of special, WHOLE people like my best friend and like my husband, who love me and support me and make my life wonderful. I’ve LEARNED my lessons and the teachers have all disappeared.