by Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed.

Author, Attorney, Podcaster, Media Commentator, Motivational Speaker, and Creator of the World's Most Successful Breakup Program. 

  • Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You (Hachette Book Group 2009)
  • Getting Back Out There: Secrets to Successful Dating and Finding Real Love After the Big Breakup (Hachette Book Group 2015)
  • Getting Past Your Past Workbook: The Definitive Workbook to Emotional Healing, Health and Happiness (La Bella Vita Publishing 2012)
  • GPYP Power! Affirmations (La Bella Vita Publishing 2019) 


It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Alan Cohen

The GPYB Program is about CHANGE. It’s about changing the person you were into a healthy, happy person with standards and boundaries and the ability to keep yourself safe no matter what.  I recently wrote about how our subconscious sometimes pull us back from changing and we go along willingly (stopping our affirmations, slacking on our program) because we don’t know what it is we’re changing INTO and what we are is what we know and sometimes that is what we choose….

In the GPYB and GBOT books, the workbook and the Power! Affirmations workbook, it is ALL about becoming the person you were meant to be. In boot camps, we call this “your authentic self” and that is the person you can be, and should be, and want to be without the issues and problems and complexes and phobias and defenses that were installed there by other people.  It’s ALL about the you that is you when no one is screwing you all the hell up.  And if you work the program, you can be that person. Before you get to doing all the deep work, during the deep work, when you feel yourself slacking from the deep work and after the deep work, it takes COMMITMENT and COURAGE.  It takes courage to change.  Write in your affirmations: I have the courage to change. I commit to change. It makes a difference. 

However, there is something known as the “paralysis of analysis” where you go deep and look inside and somehow get stuck in “omg I suck” mode if there is too much emphasis placed on what shortcomings/issues/problems/dysfunctions have led you into troubled relationships accepting unacceptable behavior from bananaheads. So many of my clients, boot campers, readers and listeners come to a moment when they say, “I feel so ashamed for what I put up with.”  That is why, in boot camp, I emphasize forgiveness of self and others with forgiveness of self being a NOW priority. 

As it says in the relationship inventory, you HAVE to clean your side of the street, you have to recognize your part in the drama and you have to take ownership of what is your “stuff.” That does include what you did to keep the drama going, what you accepted and some of the more foolish choices.  But, again, you didn’t know that you didn’t know.  It’s about balancing self-responsibility with self-forgiveness and self-compassion.  It is important to figure out what needs to change in you in a non-judgmental way— being “self-analytical instead of self-critical.” Even after 30 years of doing this stuff I have to remind myself to do “change” in a certain way: recognize (without judgment) that something needs to change, choosing to change it and then setting up a plan to change it.

Choosing to change is choosing to take your own life into your own hands. It is acting rather than being acted upon. It is deciding instead of having decisions thrust upon you. It is being responsible for instead of being blamed for. It is saying “Here is where I draw this line…” It is “Here is what is acceptable to me, like it or not…” and not dwelling on all the times you didn’t draw the line, didn’t make the decision, didn’t reject unacceptable behavior.  It’s about now you know better and now you do better. And it’s amazing how it works to give you a calm, peaceful, healthy life with an inner knowing. It’s grand. 

Change is scary but can be new and exciting. Don’t get in your own way.

It is becoming self-analytical instead of self-critical.

It is refusing to allow others to take your inventory because you take your own.

It is about tending to your own garden and allowing others to tend to theirs.

It is about saying, “I matter. I am important. I want to live a happy, healthy life.”

What do you need to do to move, to change, to take back your own power?

Whatever it is, DO IT. Get rid of the old, bring in the new.

Choose to change.

GPYB Summer 2021 Boot Camp Registration is NOW OPEN!  To find out all about boot camp or to register, go to the bottom of this page and read the FAQ: GPYB Boot Camp website

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