I’m starting a new Questions post. If your question was not answered in the last one, feel free to repost here or you can ask another. I just want to put a new one so everyone can find it.
Someone just mentioned splitting, I go into this in greater detail in the workbook and have some exercises to work on it, and I touch on it some in both books, but splitting makes it much harder to get over a breakup.
Also in one of the new videos I answer a post where someone came back, but I remind them they also LEFT again. That’s another example of splitting. When people get into breakup/makeup they only think about the times they got back together and ignore the many painful breakups. That’s another way that people split. They only concentrate on what works for their fantasy of the relationship.
What is “splitting” and why is it harmful to your recovery from a breakup?
In short, it means mentally and emotionally splitting the good from the bad.
How is everyone doing? The last checkin got pushed down so I’m starting a new one.
What subjects, in the relationship space, do you think needs more articles or books?
I did a series of articles for Psychology Today on this topic and am now making a series of videos on the subject. If you have questions/comments/suggestions, please leave in comments.
This is the first in the series about unskilled Parenting Coordinators and communicating with the personality disordered.
CoParenting with the Personality Disordered
I want to give everyone an opportunity to ask new questions. Though there were 51 comments to the last one, there were very few questions. It seems as if a lot of discussion was generated and that was the reason for the large amount of comments. So I’m putting this back up and will give you another few days to ask questions as personally or individualistic as you like. Please feel free to ask long or short or general or specific questions.
If I answer your question and you have follow-up questions, feel free to ask here or in comments on YouTube.
Are your insides churning? Are you tracking every movement he or she makes? Are you interpreting everything he or she does and trying to figure out which things are really secret messages to you? Are you putting nonsense statuses up on your Facebook page/Twitter feed/Instagram/Snapchat/ etc to get them jealous? angry? sad?
How about Match.com/eHarmony/Zoosk/Tinder/Tag/POF/whateverMingle or whatever…are you looking at his or her profile and figuring how when he or she is on line? Has he or she suddenly made themselves available again and you’re dying because you can’t stop looking at it.
WELL STOP IT.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
Immediately defriend the ex and all of the ex’s friends and family from Facebook. Unfollow on Twitter and block on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Stay off of dating sites. Delete anything that is too tempting for you to have on your computer and not peek at your ex from time to time. That’s right: DELETE.
We skipped September because the chips came later in August, but now we have a few new people struggling with NC, so please share trials, tribulations, successes, how you did it and what you’re doing to celebrate.
How it works is explained after the jump (the Continue Reading link).
How is everyone doing? If you posted at the end of the last check in, feel free to copy it to this one. Unlike many other places, we are okay if you need support and have to re-post and never ever apologize for a long post.
This article includes the idea that unconditional love MEANS under any condition that life throws at you, not under any condition of how you are treated.
I’ve referred to it in a few different comments lately, but please read and comment with regard to “Was Your Relationship Good For You?” i.e. did you love each other under any condition?
I wrote this article on narcissists for Psychology Today and am following up with one on sociopaths. If you have questions or comments, let me know and I’ll try to address them in the article. I’m also writing a section on personality disorders for the new book so if you have questions, feel free to leave those too.
The Pathological Narcissist
Happy September! How is everyone doing?
If you shared at the end of the last check-in thread, feel free to repost here.