Two years ago I did a Kicking Codependency/Raising Self Esteem on-line bootcamp. It was attended by a few of my individual clients and a few people from the blog. It was an incredible experience for all involved. I thought it was a one-time thing and then one of my clients asked, this past December, when I would be offering it again. He said he has a friend who really needs it. I keep hearing stories that indicate that codependency is a major issue for a lot of people. After much thought, I’ve decided to offer it again starting this month.
Codependency kills. That is NOT a phrase to be taken lightly. As an ES Clinician I saw many people show up in the ER after a failed suicide attempt. I also counseled many people who had a family member successfully kill themselves. In every instance, it seems that codependency was running the show. I remember when I was early in codependency recovery, a cousin-in-law’s brother killed himself after a breakup. I knew the couple when they were together and he was a textbook example of codependency. He was overly enmeshed in her issues and problems and was the supreme “helper” as most codependents are.
The scary thing for me was that I had been in a very dark place after my separation and thought about suicide a lot. Because I had a great therapist who was ahead of the curve where codependency was concerned, I was recovering from the thing that killed him: codependency.
It is IMPOSSIBLE to have a healthy relationship if you are a codependent. It is IMPOSSIBLE to choose a healthy partner because a healthy partner DOES NOT want a codependent for a partner. Although they can be overly “helping” they can be a drain on healthy people. Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. It is usually impossible for them to “be themselves” because they don’t really know who they are. That is why I put the codependency/self-esteem bootcamp together. You MUST MUST MUST develop who you are in order to NOT BE CODEPENDENT.
It’s a hard road and one I have walked. But for the grace of God, the Universe, a Higher Power, or Fate, go I.
Codependents have an exaggerated sense of responsibility for others. My therapist used to call it “running the Universe” syndrome. They do more than their fair share and grow unhealthy dependence on unhealthy people, situations and relationships. Codependents confuse love and pity and tend to pick “project people” hoping the project person will be forever grateful. That rarely happens. Then the codependent feels overworked, underappreciated and flat out.
They often look for approval from people who will never give it in a million years. They want approval and recognition SO BADLY yet gravitate to people who will never give it in a million years. If they disagree or assert themselves, they feel guilty. Their feelings are often a jumble and they have trouble figuring out how they feel and why.
Recovering from codependency is probably the biggest accomplishment of my life. I broke free of domestic violence, I raised 4 children, many years as a single parent, I graduated magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. I went to a top 10 law school and worked for a top law firm and published 3 books but I still believe that recovering from codependency is the biggest accomplishment of my life.
Because without that recovery I would have NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. That is why, to me, I am SO passionate about codependency recovery. Once I learned to be “not codependent” and have healthy boundaries, life changed. Once I raised my self-esteem while recognizing my tendency to try to overcompensate for what I didn’t think I had, I was involved in healthier relationships and was also able to stand time alone—an ABSOLUTE requirement if you’re ever going to be in a healthy relationship.
The key to my happy, healthy life and then finding the love of my life was RECOVERY FROM CODEPENDENCY. It’s what I want for EVERYONE. It’s WHY I do this work even though I’m an attorney now. It’s what keeps me working with people long after I thought I had given it up to go to law school.
If you are codependent, it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a way out. I’m doing a webinar to kick off the codependency bootcamp and I hope to see you there. Go HERE to register for the bootcamp.
Registration is limited. Those who attend the webinar will get a discount but if you sign up now AND attend the webinar, I will take the discount off later.
To register for the webinar go HERE