Registration

I have been deleting spammers from the UK the past 2 days. If you are a legitimate registrant and have a .uk email address, let me know. Otherwise you’re getting deleted.

Posted in featured | Leave a comment

Codependency Bootcamp

I did a webinar on Codependency to kick off the Codependency Bootcamp.

To see the webinar go here:

Codependency Webinar

To register for the bootcamp go here:

Kicking Codependency Bootcamp Registration

Posted in featured | 1 Comment

Codependency Kills

Two years ago I did a Kicking Codependency/Raising Self Esteem on-line bootcamp. It was attended by a few of my individual clients and a few people from the blog. It was an incredible experience for all involved. I thought it was a one-time thing and then one of my clients asked, this past December, when I would be offering it again. He said he has a friend who really needs it. I keep hearing stories that indicate that codependency is a major issue for a lot of people. After much thought, I’ve decided to offer it again starting this month.

Codependency kills. That is NOT a phrase to be taken lightly. As an ES Clinician I saw many people show up in the ER after a failed suicide attempt. I also counseled many people who had a family member successfully kill themselves. In every instance, it seems that codependency was running the show. I remember when I was early in codependency recovery, a cousin-in-law’s brother killed himself after a breakup. I knew the couple when they were together and he was a textbook example of codependency. He was overly enmeshed in her issues and problems and was the supreme “helper” as most codependents are.
Continue reading

Posted in featured | 7 Comments

When We Give and Give and Give and Give….

HiRes[1]I was watching Hot Bench and the plaintiff worked her butt off to put the defendant on his feet. When they met he had just gotten out of prison, didn’t have a job, had a suspended license. She paid bills, got him a job and a car yadda yadda. She stated she “invested in him.”

People are not stocks and bonds. We invest in those who invest in us. Unlike stocks and bonds. She was so blind to what she was doing, it was unbelievable. She even answered questions for him in the court! They asked him a question and she would answer.

Because she was now suing him over the balance of the car.
Continue reading

Posted in featured | 1 Comment

2/26 Check in Post

How is everyone doing? Please check in!

Posted in featured | 60 Comments

Karma: Not Always the Bitch We Want It To Be

broken1 Many of you would like the ex to “get theirs” or at least not seem so irritatingly happy or non-plussed. First, this is a normal and natural emotion but don’t dwell there. Second, they will get theirs only you don’t know when and you don’t know how and they might not even know it when it happens.



And in the end
the love you take
is equal to
the love you make
.”
~ Lennon/McCartney

When we’ve been hurt by someone who couldn’t really care less that they’ve hurt us, even though they once professed to love us, part of our emotional spectrum is hoping that they get theirs. We blister with rage when they seem to just go on and do whatever while we sit in breakup hell writhing in pain. It seems so unfair and we want something, anything, bad to happen to them. We don’t wish terrible things on them, but we’d love for Life to wipe that smile off their face. We’d like SOMETHING to occur that would tell us they are not just moving on without a hiccup…that it’s not so easy for them.

You don’t want to hear that it might not ever happen. You don’t want to hear that life isn’t fair and it’s not supposed to be fair. But we want someone to pay for our pain and we want to believe that good people get good stuff and bad people get bad stuff. And when it doesn’t work out that way, we hate it and we feel, instinctively, that it’s wrong. And we have trouble handling it. We want to shout, “BUT I WAS GOOD!!!” and even if we were not as good as we think we were, we know damn well we were better than people getting better stuff than us, looking happier than us, having an easier time than us.

Continue reading

Posted in breakup, featured | 4 Comments

Being the Identified Patient II

I wrote this post a long time ago and so many of my readers seem to be struggling with this I wanted to rerun it. Dance everyone!


If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. – George Bernard Shaw

Sometimes we are the family skeleton, the black sheep, the shame of the clan. Many times it’s because the clan is completely nuts. A dysfunctional family needs someone to focus on, someone to blame things on, someone to point to when things go wrong. In clinical settings, we call that person the “identified patient” or IP. It means that in a sick family system, the group has subconsciously elected one person to act out all the family sickness in a very overt way while the rest of the family acts it out in a covert way. Even if the IP tries to act “not sick,” the family will send messages to “get back where you belong” and set the IP up for failure.

Continue reading

Posted in family therapy, hero, identified patient, lost child, recovery, role, scapegoat, triad | 5 Comments

In the Midst of Winter…

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. – Corita Kent

When I first moved into my own (just mine) house, I noticed that there were flower beds both lining the driveway and in various places around the yard. Growing up in the city, I knew nothing about gardening, but thought that the beds would look rough without flowers so I decided to learn something about gardening and plant my own.

I bought about 10 huge and very expensive gardening books (because that’s what I do when I want to learn about something) and spent most of the next few months going over them to learn about cultivating the soil, what flowers were almost sure to bloom and which ones would either be difficult to grow or take much loving care.


Continue reading

Posted in breakup | 12 Comments

Building Your Own Life

Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid it will never begin. ~ Grace Hansen

This post was written a year before the book was published and when Michael was well (I mention him at the bottom of the post). I think it needs a rerun. Someone asked me in an email to share what I did to build a life of my own (because I kept saying this is what you need to do in order to be the right person). Not that I recommend anyone do the same as I’ve done but here is my list of what I did to be a full and complete person ON MY OWN separate and apart from everyone else. You can take my list and fill it with your own “stuff”. 🙂 Happy Building!!!

Continue reading

Posted in grief, hobbies, life, loss, love, meetup.com, painting, ravelry.com, recovery, relationship, relationships, thought for the day | 12 Comments

Trusting Yourself

The 1996 photo was taken during our wedding vows. The 2007 photo was taken dancing at my son’s wedding. We looked at each other with as much, if not more love, than on our wedding day. The years between had pounded us with many adversities but we stood together through thick and thin. I went back to New York after 2 years in Texas and left Michael there to sell the house. I had no idea the house would take 2 years to sell.  We spent a lot of money, not only on my Manhattan apartment and the Texas house, but flying back and forth at least once a month. We spoke every day.  It was a difficult separation but we trusted each other completely and never argued about anything in those years.
Continue reading

Posted in featured | 2 Comments

Registering – Even if you have been registered

In trying to move spammers and sploggers off the blog – which takes a lot of time each week – the user directory was culled back and you may need to re-register. I apologize for any inconvenience but the number of new registrations each day was more than I could keep up with and I did several passes through the users directory with a few different tools and realized one of the tools was over zealous and wiped out regulars. Sorry guys. Please reregister!

Posted in featured | Leave a comment

Making Peace with the Peace

Your true traveller finds boredom rather agreeable than painful. It is the symbol of his liberty – his excessive freedom. He accepts his boredom, when it comes, not merely philosophically, but almost with pleasure. – Aldous Huxley

When difficult times and people leave our lives, we often find the void almost too much to bear. We feel as if there is this huge gaping hole in our lives and in our heart. We are not quite sure what to do with ourselves.

Continue reading

Posted in featured | Leave a comment

1/29 Check in Post

Check in! Okay everyone who emailed me about the check-in web going away needs to post how they are!!! 🙂


Posted in featured | 57 Comments

Comments back

Okay guys, I received dozens of emails asking for comments and Check-ins to come back. Okay, but you guys have to show me you’re alive out there. One more time…

Posted in featured | 3 Comments

March Bootcamp – Registration Closing

I hate to sound the alarm, but March bootcamp is filling up quickly. Also, due to an increase in hosting and software fees, this is the last bootcamp offered at this price.  There will be an increase on the next one.  Reserve your spot here  !!!!

Posted in featured | Comments Off on March Bootcamp – Registration Closing