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We have not done a Gratituesday post in a very long while. Someone in the FB group mentioned the healing power of gratitude lists and it rang true for me.

It’s good to focus on what you have rather than what you do not have (or concentrate on what you do not have in terms of disease or something like that).

What are you grateful for?

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Closure Redux

Picture3I’m preparing for bootcamp and 2 webinars and my first GPYB workshop on-line but I read your comments EVERY NIGHT! I think this will be helpful this week. :)

For most of you who have read the book, you know that I talk about closure and “end of the grief process” in different ways. Because they are not the same. To describe the end of the grief process, I use the words “acceptance” or “integration” or “reorganization” because that is truly what happens at the end. You integrate the loss and all the changes in you from the loss, from the experience of moving through it and moving on.

You integrate the effects of this experience, the loss and the grief that follows and the you that emerges from walking through the grief, into your life and you go on, a different, changed person. If you’ve walked through it and done the work you are better, stronger and freer. If you have not you may be afraid and more limited in your ability to love and to live.

People will say “I need closure.” and that is really a somewhat meaningless refrain. They will bandy about this “I need closure” as a reason to get in touch/stay in touch. They will insist they need to say goodbye or communicate or say things that were left unsaid “for closure.” Nonsense.
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Power Affirmations and NO Contact

affirmationsPower Affirmations

Affirmations get a bad rap because there are so many bad ones out there and so many so called “teachers” who have NO IDEA how to word them, organize them and make them effective.

Affirmations done correctly can change your life and your attitude in 30 DAYS when done RIGHT!!! Join me for a great webinar on how to make them work for you. The Power Affirmation workshop is one of my most popular LIVE workshops. This is the First time this material is available on-line and first time for free! Registration is limited so go here to:

Claim Your Seat!

nocontactDo you struggle with NC? Are you thinking you are doing it wrong? Do you co-parent? Work in the same place? Think you need closure? Trying to be friends? Join me in this FREE LIVE webinar to get NC down RIGHT!

Claim Your Seat!

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Picture1I’m testing webinar software to bring my workshops, seminars and courses to the web. Space in NYC is simply too expensive to continue to do this live. Many people ask me all the time when I’m coming to their town and chances are, I’m not. But now you can come to me! Without getting on a plane and paying crazy NYC hotel prices! My VERY FIRST free webinar will be on PowerAffirmations
and will be LIVE 2 days from now (yes I need to get this going ASAP!) I usually have my workshops and seminars set for the first part of the year by mid-January and I’m not even close. Continue reading

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Leaving the Abusive Relationship

stopdvLeaving the Abusive Relationship

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Creative WorkshopI have been doing workshops in NYC since 2006. I LOVE doing them but I used to do them through the Learning Annex and they don’t really support weekend workshops (GPYB/GPYP really needs an entire weekend). I have been asked numerous times to come to x city and do workshops and/or seminars.
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Grief Recycling

Grief is a spiral. But am I going up or coming down?” ~ C.S. Lewis

Requested repost: I write about recycling in GBOT because dating often triggers recycling, but so does an anniversary date, the ex’s birthday, moving into your own place, going on a trip you were supposed to go on together etc etc etc. Many things can trigger recycling.

There is a standard body of grief and loss literature but it’s still evolving. Still, I’ve read most of it over the past 20 years or so. I’ve written countless papers and 3 college theses on grief.

One thing that researchers do agree on is that grief is a process and it can vary wildly from person to person depending on the person, the loss, the type of loss, the person’s history with grieving (or not) and environmental and social factors.
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An Employer Breakup

I was STUNNED when I turned on this season’s America’s Test Kitchen and there was no Christopher Kimball, the show’s founder who built it into a multimillion empire and the host since its inception. As someone who lived in New England (and dated more than one person from Vermont) for more years than I wanted, I had a love/hate relationship with Kimball’s New England centric way. I also hated his affinity for hunting. But the bottom line is that America’s Test Kitchen and Cook’s Magazine were his brainchilds and I respected both of them. An article published a year ago stated the break was amicable but then it turned out not so much. They are now suing him. I would LOVE to join Kimball’s legal team. Trade secrets? Kimball CREATED those secrets!

I watched the first new show and HATED it. Kimball lends a folksy goodness to the show…the guy who doesn’t seem to be able to do anything, is set in his ways and gets schooled by those around him. Having Bridget Lancaster (whom I really like) be the host is not the same. We know she knows things. We’ve spent years watching her school Kimball on the art of just about everything. Watching Julia teach Bridget how to cook a steak seems preposterous. Watching Dan teach Julia anything is also stupid. Kimball is US – the guy who is intrigued by what is going on in the show. None of these people fit the bill. And a Jack Bishop/ Chris Kimball segment? Who is going to recreate that? In a word: NOBODY!

Dear ATK my vote is in on the first show: HATED IT!!!

Not the same class of course, but I broke with my publisher last year.

After GPYB was obviously a “hit,” my editor who originally bought the book and believed in me so much had asked for a second book. I wanted GPYB 2. I wanted it to parallel the “Reject the Rejecter” (When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You) post that was posted here for many years and is now on Psychology Today where it was in the TOP FIVE of all posts on PT for almost SIX MONTHS and has almost 2 million views (all of this is unheard of with PT posts). Analytics from PT, YouTube and the GPYB blog indicate that 34 percent of the readers and viewers are men, which is much higher than most self-help articles.

I wanted to deliver the second part of GPYB. It was my intention from the beginning of writing GPYB! When I wrote GPYB I had more than enough information for THREE books but the second one being a continuation of GPYB.

In my mind, the second book would address three areas that GPYB does not: 1) the circumstances surrounding the breakup or the reality that the relationship is not going to materialize (for those experiencing unrequited love–as in when the person you love…); 2) the complicating factors and possible psychopathologies of both parties; 3) it would expound upon GPYB’s “self-care” techniques like positive thinking, visualization, meditation and other techniques such as the law of attraction.
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Bootcamp is closed for now. We have an INCREDIBLE group who are excited to get going! If you’re interested in the bootcamp that starts after this one, see above where you can register early. I know that several people were bummed to have missed it (registration was open for 3 days before it filled) so use the link to register early for the March bootcamp to secure your spot. Because it is far away, you don’t have to pay in full to get the discount. You can leave a deposit and pay in full right before it starts to get the PIF discount.

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• Join our blog at go to any post and where it says comment, you will see a prompt to Log in or Register. Use this to register. Your first post will be held in moderation but after that you can post freely!

• At the top of GPYB blog you will see a list of valuable resources to help you on your journey. Check it out!

• The GPYP Workbook Instant Download CLICK HERE
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Requested Repost: Betrayal

Betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~ Steven Dietz

Betrayal may be described as simply the breaking of trust. It’s when we trust someone and they break that trust (and usually our hearts at the same time).
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Facebook Group

I created a page for the book when it came out, not knowing what a success it would be! A person who liked the page asked that comments be kept private so her friends didn’t see it, but you can’t do that with a page, only with a group. I started the page solely to give updates on the books and events. But it’s become well liked over the years and I’d hate to close it down.

So I created a GPYB Facebook group. I encourage everyone here to join there. When the membership is large enough, I will change the group to secret but I have a WWL2M secret group and no one is really there because no one really knows about it. But the GPYB Facebook group is closed so you can’t see someone’s post in the group. And, like other groups I belong to, when the membership is over a certain number, I’ll change it to Secret. Please join and share!

The group is here: GPYB Facebook Page

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2017 (3d rendering) new year gold color  in perspective room with sparkling bokeh wall and wooden plank floor,leave space for display of product.

It’s Jan 2nd! First Check in Thread of 2017. Share your status and plans for 2017!

I was away and had a brutal work schedule all through December so I truly appreciate the help and support you guys have given each other. Schedule has died down now and I’m back. Thank you for taking care of each other in my absence. If you’re new, please post in this check-in thread and let us know how you are!!!

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A New Year…a New You

    The annual GPYB New Year’s Post. 2017 New Year background with clock.

    We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential. – Ellen Goodman

    The most important part of rebuilding after a major breakup is to plan out what comes next. For many it may be hard. We might be feeling lost, alone and not “up” to thinking about being the cheerleaders of our lives. We may be kicking and screaming our way through the idea of going it alone. In the past few weeks we’ve felt absolutely shipwrecked by the holidays. We just want them to be over (and they almost are!)

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Holidays and Happiness

christmas“If we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.” – Edith Wharton

The holidays tend to push someone else’s idea of happiness upon us. We are told this is the “most wonderful time of the year” and half the time we can’t figure out why that is.

What we are told and what we feel about it are often two different things. We feel stressed, hurried, broke and on edge. Continue reading

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